Im sad.



Huhhhh, i found out that my identity card wasnt inside my purse. And my domestic flight tomorrow requires id and not accepting passport. Huuhhh

So i start thinking and searching everywhere. Last time i used it was a few weeks ago, at Cimb to open a current account.

I started feeling nervous. I am frustrated with myself bcs, i am a highly organized person. Everything must has a place and only put the thing at its place after using it. So i have difficulty to look for thing bcs it is already in my mindset that the thing cannot be anywhere but at its place. Its either at its place or ive lost it.

And I planned to go out early tomorrow to make a report or a new id card.

Until fortunately, i found my id within my documents. Its not supposed to be there ..

A friend

Last month, i met a new friend and we get closed at our first moment. She talked a lot and know how to joke well. Which, i like person who can make me laughing.

Just now, she texted me asking for a girl’s day out. She said that she is feeling sad lately. So i replied that i would come to a coffee shop near her house, like, as soon as i can. But she already had a date wt someone so we are going to meet tomorrow.

The story is, i have a lot of good friends (in my perspective lol, bcs too many friends is kind of suffocating, maybe bcs, i give my best to ppl i call them as my good friend).. but, as Aquarian, we hardly open up our heart to ppl.

We hardly talk abt our problem. We couldnt text a friend saying, “hi, i am sad.” ..”i am crying rn..” .. “hey, i have a problem..”

And if we ever talk it out to a friend, it gives two meanings. Either the problem is not big enough, or, we trust you.

But, yeahh… when my new friend said that she was sad.. i couldnt tell her that i am feeling that way too lately, as i have to make a big decision to leave this country and my mom as well.

I wont say that i am crying. And i wont show my tears to anyone.


True that, i write a lot when i feel sad.

There is a guy. We tend to be a good friend since last two or three years. We used to talked a lot and he just got married a few months ago.

But this year, i realized that we barely talk. And i knew abt his marriage from his friend’s congrated him for it on fb.

I dont care bcs we were just a good friend. And what i mean by gf is, a person who we can talk with freely using informal conversation.

And after that, he texted me on fb messenger, like, he is doing business and asked me to join him. When i replied that i couldnt focus on it, he just silent without a word. And this happened twice.

I just hate my thought of, hating person who took me for granted. Come to me when needed and leave as they want.

Im not blaming him or what (bcs there is nothing to be blamed), i just dislike how i think abt him after that.


I wish i have a real friend that i can talk to.

Have a number of friend but, i dont feel like revert to them whenever im in trouble . Idk why to be honest.

Maybe i think, they wouldn’t understand me. But i believe they would listen to my problem. They are truly kind, but i am selective.


Kelisa broke down almost a week and i am trapped inside the house.

I applied for a vacancy at Kampung Laut, as a teacher. Dunno,

I dunno what to do wt my life either.

Its like, life is too hard and die is not a thing that we can ever request…


I started speaking and writing in English since 2016. Because of a close friend who didnt speak to me except in english and a lil bit of Malay. It did triggered me back then.

So i practiced on writing for my blog. I am proudly a wordpress user. Got no English teacher, so as you see, my grammar is bad and my vocab is too basic.

But to get on this still lowly level, my friends did a great job as my English corrector. Yeah, they laughed at me, a lot , but they did help.

Now, i feel more confident to get married with a british man. #SpecialApplause


Cannot sleep due to heavy headache. So i woke up at 4 and cupping my back using wired pum.

Used too much muscle yesterday. But i cannot sick, ive a lot thing to do today.

Allah, please heal me…