Happy Birthday my favourite friend 🎉🎉🎉
Dad replied me last night, “If you could stand for 3 years or more, so i am okay with that… just go for it.”
Then he warned me to benefit other not only myself. Hahahha…
I agree and disagree for that advice. Just because, i do want to benefit other but i still unable to do sharing. I am still an ignorant of knowledge…
I think of starting a new fresh life of a mureed. I want to isolate myself from materialistic things and focus on study. Which i put study as my first priority.
I dont want to work. Or maybe just once per week. I dont want to think abt travelling bcs it takes half of my life to just planning abt it. Hahahaha..
And i want to keep my circle of friend small, like i used to actually ahhahahaha.
I must search a mursyid to guide my path toward my God. Guide what i should learn, the dicipline, the priciples and whatnot.
May Allah guide my way…
Kakrock was waking me up this morning because it was already late for Subuh prayer.
And she touched my leg.
Then i opened my eyes and saw semek instead of kakroxk. Hahahhahaha… i fastly tried to stand up but i suddenly get my sense back. Hahahha…
So we just been late this morning and got to have a breakfast at hotel inside Utm. Shockingly, i got a great moment sitting with the great islamic scholars from over the world.
I try to talk to Syeikh Adnan Afyouni, the Mufti of Damascus which he was our mudir at my former institute of study, Abu nour. But unfortunately, he is not that friendly and always being with other scholars that made me feeing awkward to start communicating bcs i didnt know the other scholars…
So then, me and my friend approached Prof Tawfiq Said and bcs we didnt have any good question, we just asked for a picture instead, but he refused to be in a picture with women and just walked away. Which made me a lil bit upset actually but i tried to understand the princip of some scholars toward woman.
And after the last session with scholars in a private room, we asked for Prof Muhd Syuhumi for a picture. And he agreed then we must be lucky hahahhaha… when i stand on his right, i asked, “Where do you reside now, sir?” Yeah because his origin is from Libya.
He replied, “Kaherah, 6th October..”
I was totally shocked because i never hear his name even once. I said that we are both from al-Azhar.
He told me, “I am a lecturer of al-Azhar but just for master and doctoral studies..”
Then i fastly said to him, “Then i will go to you (to further my master study)..”
He said Ahleeennnnnnnn…
I am feeling grateful for having this great oppurtunity to meet such a great scholars from worldwide.
I just sent a message to my dad, asking him if he will be okay if i further my study in Egypt for another 4-5 years?
Waiting for his hahahahhaha
How i miss kak ifa a lot and thought of her recently ..and just now, she came to visit me as her husband got a job to do at Marang.
We didnt talk to much since 3 years but yeah, we are still in contact once per month. And i visit her every year. I understand how busy she is.
I used to be damn clingy to her hahahahha, but after we have a serious talk abt our different way of life, i tried to understand her more. I tried to not disturb her at all of the time.
The best thing is, we were always argue when we were close. But after that, i realized that she is a kind person actually when she didnt mess with me.
But, what made me upset is, she didnt tell me that she is pregnant for 7 months!
Why i think that a close friend should know abt this kind of exciting news!!!!! Am i wrongggggg?????
Since i left Darul Hasani, my life has been too far from God. Its not abt Darul Hasanj itself, but from tarbiyah and tasawuf.
I start exploring the world, working for money, always thinnking abt money, job, future plan, meeting new kind of friends, and my life has been busied with everything except god.
Since i was a child, my father tought me to always read Quran at least once a day. Read zikir and aurad.
And yeah, i started to decrease my zikir day by day since my leave.
I started to feel the emptiness of my soul. Feeling no true happiness at all after all i have done for it like traveling, outing with friend and so on.
I have changed.
I was that diligent girl who attended the talaqi classes from early morning until night. And now, i barely join even one class.
I thought i didnt join any of it because i ve lost. But the true is, i am feeling lost because i didnt attend it anymore…
I dont regret this 3 years of abandonment to my soul. Though it made me learn thing.
Now started from Ramadhan, i push myself to recite Quran one juz perday. After Subuh and Maghrib prayers. Each for half of juz.
Even sometimes, i want to read more than half, i teach myself to not doing that. Dont read more or less than the half.
I know myself better, and this is for my own sake. Once i make it more, i will make it less at another time. Once i make it less, i will start to decrease until i leave it. Like i have done for 24 years. Hahahhahaha
Please pray for me, to live good, and to die good…
I dont think i will live for a long time.. and if i die, Allah please make me die when i was a good servant to you.. serve you Awliya, Masyayikh and Ilm… ☺️☺️☺️
Going to Kuala Lumpur after tomorrow for International Sufism Conference for three days.
Then will rushing back to Terengganu for Family Day at Redang Island. Hewhewhew..
Then get prepared for Iran Trip with my beloved travel partner…
Then Eid , then going back to Cairo to convocation.
I used to think that there is no use of joining convocation ceremony. But, i didnt get in my high school graduation picture, so i want to be in this time of graduation picture…
I have joined al-Azhar graduation ceremony almost every year in Egypt. And honestly, i cried in every ceremony.
I saw their efforts and how they succesfully ended it. Their tears their sorrow their struggles.
They made me strong. They recharged my will to kee continue on this path.
I know graduation means nothing. The result is only a paper. But it gonna be one of the best ending to one part of your complicated life.
Again made me upset by a dream.
My dad couldnt stand and walk since second day of Eid. It was because ghout.
So today, he suddenly feel stronger than usual then decided to go to Besut for al-Quran class.
As he arrived there, his two feets getting weak and sick again.
He texted us in whatsapp group so Idah unintentionally asked if there is ‘anything’ like bad spirit.
Dad answered, as his friend told him, yes, there is something. Then he shared his story abt how that thing disturbed him at night which scared me enough.
And during watching movie at downstair, i suddenly found a small black worm/snake im not sure just beneath my foot. Omg!
I recited ayat Kursi and puh puh away. I stared at that thing about 30 minutes with my niece before throwing it out over window.
And now, i dont think i will switch off the room lamp. Hukhuk…
I am scared…
I dont want to overthink…
But, i m alone…