Im stressed out enough right now. Everything seems killing me. I have a work to be done that the due was yesterday, and classes, and my students who come everyday always overstay. Like our class supposed to be only 2 hours, why they let them with me for 3-4 hours. And they asked me for anything, even to cook for them in this holy month.

And my mother being angry, i dont make housechores, i let the baby cried bcs his mother was eating,

Like, these all happen in a same time, and i am waiting for someone who is coming to look over my homestay.

I am serious, thinking of harming a baby is not a joke. Astaghfirullah… i really hold my tears rn.

The baby was crying and i am holding him while doing my translation and i thought of evil doing.

I feel sinned.

I shouldnt. I should stay away from every one


My mister

Finally, finished watching kdrama my mister tonight after following every two episodes per week. Hahaha.. i prefer to watch ongoing drama than completed one. Bcs, i will enjoy every episode. If its already completed, i always skipped and skipped, and most of movies, i felt it was boring sobi stop watching it.

This year, the best drama ever is kdrama my mother, which every single episode made me crying. Haha..

Now i start waiting for wok of love every weeks, bcs i love MR Light. But i bet that, he is not gonna be the hero and he is going to die or some sacrifice at last for the sake of that heroin. Hahahha.. this is typical so im looking forward to this drama to not be cliche. Hahaha


Just came back from Sabah after spending a week there at Tawau and Semporna. Learnt a liltle bit abt the varies community and culture. And more abt politic in Sabah.


Im crying right now. Idk, just literally stressed out due to my condition.

We planned to make a small ceremony at my house tomorrow, so i invited a few people. Then i knew that my mom dont wanna do it, and just take the food to her cabin and give it out to people who helps for the election.

I was looking for a small gathering between families. But i guess, with mysef alone in this house, i dont think i can handle it either.

Then, abt That one man. Idk.. he asked my hand for marriage, but my heart feels it hard. I feel uneasiness inside, like, my heart dont want it.

But i dk if im just wishing for a fantasy life and a perfect man… idk… i should stop dreaming… just accepted any man who comes…


Living alone in a big house is such a boredom. Mom always going out, father went to his village for a month and half… this is why im thinking either to get married (still boring though but more to safety reason i guess) or to get a student life back (huuh got vertigo while writing this, huh what a life)….


What im scared the most abt my vertigo just happened today. Vertigo came while im driving. Just fortunately while im driving slow and on the left lane as im searching for parking… huhu…


These days, vertigo visits me frequently.

It started on January 2016, a day before i flied to Europe for backpacking journey. It lasted from 4 am to 5 pm or more.

And the beginning, vertigo came not frequent and started with symptom like nausea and feeling sick, and it occurred for more than half day. Sometime lasted until night.

But started by February 2018, after i came back from my journey to Balkan, my vertigo comes very frequent and sudden. Like it can be more than 3 times per day, i lost my balance, i fall to the ground, the world is spinning even when i close my eyes. And it followed by nausea. It occurs for just a few seconds fortunately.

I am planning to get a simple medical check up for this. Bcs i ve had head trauma before, and otitis media (infection at the inner ear) so both can be the main cause.