Today is raining. I went to the train station alone, spent up my one hour there and another half waiting for tram.
My first time using tram, its too old. I went to the station by foot, walked around 45 minutes because i ve no BAM currency. But becausw of want to catch up my friends at Sebilj at 2 pm, so i waited for the tram.
On my way to Bascarcija, two tram policers showed up. He asked for the ticket. He said my ticket is not validated and i must to pay the fine. RM60. I spoke up, i said i bought the ticket from the driver. I put my ticket in the machine but the machine was the problem. There was something written on the other side of ticket so i thought its the validation code.
Its impossible for me to understand the code because its in their language. And my first time though. They took me out from the tram and call the police. Gave me choice to pay the fine or police will come and ask 50€. I talked to the police via phone. They just wanted the money…
I tried to explained several times, they just ignored me. I was mad and upset that made my tears dropping down as the rain does.
I paid the fine ignoring my crying eyes that i couldnt control. Walk through the Miljacka river and sat on bench. Cried a lot.
Felt better bcs there were too much things that i want to cry for. So i let everything go that moment. Not just bcs the fine.
I am stressed out, but i have to lead our way. I have to live up to family and people.
The greatest thing i can do is, faking that i am good. All is fine. Inside me, i really want to crush things, shout out loud, beat unknown, jump into the river or from any high building, cross the road while the light was green for the cars.
Loner, sometimes a person that have a lot of friends around but she cut them out and wanna be alone. Prefers to be alone most of the time.
And then complaining her loneliness killing her. Haha
Hmmm, what i afraid of when i get married is when i feel that lonely feeling even having a husband. Then i start to cut him out from my life. Living together but feeling as a stranger. I cant help myself faking myself…
Too selective as i cant do nothing with my attitude. Its rude, i know.. its an illness to me too…