These days, vertigo visits me frequently.

It started on January 2016, a day before i flied to Europe for backpacking journey. It lasted from 4 am to 5 pm or more.

And the beginning, vertigo came not frequent and started with symptom like nausea and feeling sick, and it occurred for more than half day. Sometime lasted until night.

But started by February 2018, after i came back from my journey to Balkan, my vertigo comes very frequent and sudden. Like it can be more than 3 times per day, i lost my balance, i fall to the ground, the world is spinning even when i close my eyes. And it followed by nausea. It occurs for just a few seconds fortunately.

I am planning to get a simple medical check up for this. Bcs i ve had head trauma before, and otitis media (infection at the inner ear) so both can be the main cause.


Stressed out

I didnt open my whatsapp due to messages from certain people.

Like, this moment, ive reached my limit. I talk to Dhaniah (well, she understands me best than my other friends), i said that i am scared. I couldnt say no to people and i really have problem to reject any request.

I have no time, no courage, i m tired and exhausted, i am sick, but, i guest my habit is accepting things until i exploded.

People ask me to do this and that.

People ask me to do this and that.

This and thatytt…

Ive to take care of this house, as my mom always go out, and the only left is me. Ive to cook, take care of my sister which just had a surgery for her newborn, ive to take care of the baby too, and the homestay, people check in and out and left the house with messes and dirty.

…. opss, i just finished my breakfast which i cooked for my sister. If only not for her, im not going to cook any as im not that hungry at morning. I just eat once a day, most of the times (seriously i wonder why im fat).

Then, i start writing, and try to finish a cup of tea. It took me around 20 minutes for just a cup. I played ‘spirits’ by strumbellas, and my eyes started to hold a tiny volume of water. Hahaha, so then i know thag i should finish that tea and go to my room, bcs i never shown my tear to my family member. Hahahahhaha…

I once said to aisyah, broken heart person writes more.

So i guess my reader, would probably wish for me to get a broken heart always. Hahahah…

Okay, wordpress, suddenly i miss you the most… im sorry…. for only coming in my worst condition.


This week, my schedule was very packed because i set up a homestay. Like, someone moving into a new house so it feel like that. Very tiring.

And i have classes, at Dungun and Kg Laut. So per usual, ive to study and write a module before teaching.

Plus, i have to take care of my parent house like a housewife. Take care of my sister who just got a new baby.

Need to cook, need to do shopping.

So, here i want to welcome me ex friend, vertigo. Why you didnt tell me that youre going to fly from Egypt to Malaysia, i should have pick you up from the airport.

Huhu… i need to rest..


Yesterday, i was at Dungun giving a talk to women community. Basically everything went smoothly. And they very like me. And i wasnt nervouse as i used to.

But, i feel shamed. Bcs they looked at me like an ustazah. Pious one. But only me and Allah know who i am truly…

I m not other than a great sinner. I feel hypocrite.


I should stay up this night but im already sleepy and exhausted…. need to finish 3 modules and one translation assignment.

Tomorrow gonna leave for Dungun and return after tomorrow.


I just woke up after had a dream.

1. I went to Syria. I ride the van service to unknown place so i stop at the stop. And the bus has changed their system that everyone must use a card. No more cash accepted. Beside the bus stop, i saw a malaysian group enter the house, an officer said there is club umno house .. hahahahha.. apesal tetibe umno ni?

2. A man came to my house. Idk. Then i wash his hair. So what i saw is only his back. Then i took such a long time so we argued. Then i take a bucket with plenty water inside and throw on his head. He ran.


im hungry


Just finish translating after 11 hours working. It was just 10 pages but, it hanafi’s , so i have to deal with their own meaning of phrases. Got to make a quick research to know if what i understand is true.

Stucked at here and there, because its complicated.

And its fiqh, i cannot write what i want. But i have to even repeat a same sentences in a same paragraph… huhu.. it would be easier translating a story or novel. Huhu


I work for 6 hours non stop, translating.

I have to finish this by today. Bcs tomorrow i have 2 days workshop at Kuala Berang. So lazy. Why did I registered?

I always regret..