Me right now is on my way to Pahang to pick up my sister. I thought we are going to visit atok aki, but instead to visit my sister that has been sick for months which i didnt know but just now.

She got post natal depression and father said she always having the desire to harm her son, Muhammad. And almost getting divorced for twice..

This new is shocking me indeed but yet im going to Iran after tomorrow… how guilty i am right now 😭😭😭😭

She is going to live with us for a while. I hope she will get well very soon..


"How can she simply rest her head on unkown's back,"

But then i realized, she is too friendly to anyone new. And thats how we got know to each other.

She has that kind of law of attraction which i repeatedly said to her. "You are taeyang (sun)". Everyone could love you unconditionally.

As some people know that i hardly get close to people. I might talk to much but not to everyone. Im very choosy and selective. Im not kind of introvert one but, i have an attitude of couldnt fake my expression. If i like a person, people could see it over my face. As well as if i dislike a person.

It shown as, within over 200 of malaysian students in my class, i just have 5 friends and just only one among them that i can get close and pleasantly talking abt anything.

And yeah, there were arab students who took me into their friend group. But, badly, i ignore all of them except one name Sara. Sara is the only black one while others are white. But, i dont know why, i can talk to her freely and happily. I just like her unconditionally. Hahaha

The one that got obsessed of me, Rabab, i knew that she sincerely want to make friend with me but i just couldnt fake myself. So i ignored her phone calls, messages and any meeting.

That is how i behave toward people that i like and dislike. Extremely….

My friends keep misundertand me when i get closed to semek. Some of them advised me to not go too close and bla bla bla…

The truth is, semek understands me way better than my other friends. She is the one that i can show my tears and she is listening to my stories that i hardly to tell anyone else. She gave me the feeling of happiness and get rid of loneliness from me. She was where i run to when things went hard on me.

She might dont like me as i favor her as the best friend that i have (i just have three for 24 years i lived) but i dont mind that. Not everyone got treated fairly. Hahaha…

Despite of what already happened, i still consider her as my favourite, and i pray for her happiness and healtiness always. I never hate her and still blaming myself for leaving her and not understand her as much as her friends did…


I love Prague for this birthday gift =D


Hmm, hmmm… just woke up after sleeping for whole day. Sick again and keep dreaming the same.

This week is weak weekkkkk hahahha..

Nana said to me to buy medical card. But why should i buy medical card if i hardly going to clinic or hospital even i couldnt get up for a week… hahhahahaha

But yeah i understand her meaning so im now searching for medical card plan and it seems AIA medical card offer pretty nice right?

Irsyad and farizul

Today my dad told me abt farizul and asked me if im okay if he comes to meet me.. i was a lil bit shocked.. never expect that bcs i told my dad that im going back to egypt soon.

And around 2 weeks ago, my best friend asked my hand for irsyad. So i accepted to know him first. Just, he is going to perform haj very soon and plan to get know me after he back from Mecca.

Both are not my taste but farizul looks better than another. Just, when i saw irsyad, he is very cheerful person and calm. He is kind and knowledgable. Like he wrote poems in english hahahah and a wordpress blogger too..  come onnnn wordpress why didnt you tell me abt him earlier???

And the thing is, i felt the chemistry and vibe between me and irsyad..

For farizul i didnt feel anything but hmm. I said to kakroxk abt this.. maybe the reason is i know irsyad and didnt know anything abt farizul. I felt insecure to people that i dont know.

Kakrock told me to just meet farizul first and decide after…

Idk 🙁🙁🙁


For a few days, i keep dreaming abt aisyah. It was quite a sad dream. That we were on a journey to a few countries. And when we were crossing Indonesia, i got into our bus and the bus quickly moved leaving aisyah behind.

I asked people, they advised me to just ignore her. 

So i texted fatin askinv if she is okay because yeah, keep dreaming the same peolpe for days.. fatin said even she didnt contact her for a long time.

Huhu… i hope she will be fine alwaysss


I was interested in sufism and metafisic but unfortunately, i must choose between usulfiqh, fiqh am, fiqh muqaran and islamic law only.

The only course that i can consider is usulfiqh but yeahhhhh, it is the most difficult course in the worldddddd 😭 

My senior didnt past the master exam for two years and changed her course to fiqh am. And another senior took more than 5-7 years for usulfiqh.

Master Azhar

So my dad seemed happy hearing that i might further my study at al-Azhar instead of casis. But yeah, i still want to set my foot on casis one day.

Kak mahmudah offered herself to submit my application form, and the required document because my flight and the close date just five days in between.

Now we are still waiting for the official result to come out.

Nana said, we might stay just three person in white house. So the rent might cost around 900le per month not including wifi and food. 😦 

Nana insists to stay so i felt much guilty to just moving into Dmak. But i tell her that once she graduated, i m not gonna stay in that house due to the incresing rent 10% every year.

I just had some thought esp to not working and just focus on my study, but it seems like, i need to work just to balance my economy and my life.